阿爾伯特.愛因斯坦名言
1. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
1．妨礙我學(xué)習(xí)的唯一障礙就是我的教育。
2. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
2．當(dāng)數(shù)學(xué)原理用于現(xiàn)實時，是不確定的，當(dāng)它們確定時，又不適用于現(xiàn)實。
3. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
3．常識就是人在十八歲之前形成的各種偏見。
4. The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
4．原子能的釋放并沒有造成一個新問題，它只是使解決一個當(dāng)前問題的必要性更加迫切。
5. If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
5．如果你決心講述真相，就把體面留給裁縫。
6. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
6．我不知道第三次世界大戰(zhàn)會用什么武器，但我確定第四次世界大戰(zhàn)用的武器會是棍子和石頭。
弗里德里希.尼采名言
7. In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God.
7.胡話一開始也就是胡話，但這些胡話是和上帝有關(guān)的，所以最后胡話也就成了上帝。
8. A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
8.在精神病院隨便走走表明信仰什么都不是。
9. Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
9.啊，女人，你使高尚者更高尚，也能創(chuàng)造更多卑微者。
10. Is man one of God’s blunders? Or is God one of man’s blunders?
10．人類是上帝犯的一個錯誤，還是上帝是人類犯的一個錯誤。
11. Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.
11．許多人在追求他們選擇的道路時固執(zhí)，卻很少在追求目標(biāo)時固執(zhí)。
馬克.吐溫名言
12. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
12．閱讀保健類書籍時要小心，你可能死于錯誤印刷。
13. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
13．別到處跟人抱怨這個世界欠你什么，這個世界什么都不欠你的。
14. I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
14．我從不參加葬禮，但我會寫封親切的信表明我是贊成葬禮的。
15. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
15．我從來沒讓上學(xué)影響我的教育。
16. The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
16．不讀好書的人與那些讀不懂他們的人相比，沒有什么好得意的。
17. “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
17．為什么你坐在那兒，看上去就像一個沒寫地址的郵封？
伏爾泰名言
18. Prejudices are what fools use for reason.
18．偏見是愚者思考的方式。
19. If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.
19．就算世界上沒有上帝，那也有必要創(chuàng)造一個。
20. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.
20．每個人都為他不能行的善而心懷愧疚。
21. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
21．雪崩時沒有一片雪花會有負罪感。
22. The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.
22．理智真正的偉大之處在于它幫助我們與沒有理智的人相處。
23. It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere.
23．將愚人從他們所敬拜的鎖鏈下解放出來是非常困難的。
24. There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.
24．有些人的思考只停留在表面。
25. Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.
25．如果有人能使你相信荒唐的事，那他也有能力使你犯下罪惡與不公的錯誤。
26. Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
26．說出來愚蠢的話，唱出來就不一樣了。
27. By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.
27．通過贊美，別人身上的優(yōu)點就成為了自己的財富。
28. Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.
28．政府既需要牧羊人也需要屠夫。
伯拉圖名言
29. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.
29．不參政的后果就是被不如你的人統(tǒng)治。
30. No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.
30．老師教不好想當(dāng)老師的人，統(tǒng)治者統(tǒng)治不好想當(dāng)統(tǒng)治者的人。
31. This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.
31．羅馬城之所以是這樣的羅馬城是因為市民就是這樣的市民。
32. Courage is knowing what not to fear.
32．所謂勇氣就是知道不畏懼什么。
33. The measure of a man is what he does with power.
33．衡量一個人，就是看他在擁有權(quán)力時的所作所為。
溫斯頓.丘吉爾名言
34. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
34．謊言都繞了半個地球了，真相還沒穿好衣服呢。
35. If you are going through hell, keep going.
35．如果你正在經(jīng)歷煉獄，那就繼續(xù)吧。
36. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
36．對民主最好的反駁就是和普通選民交談五分鐘。
37. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.
37．有人說民主是最糟糕的政府組織形式，除了其他曾出現(xiàn)過的。
喬治.卡林名言
38. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
38．想想看，普通人多愚蠢，可還有一半人更愚蠢。
39. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
39．房子只是一個在你外出時儲藏你現(xiàn)有的東西的地方，然后你可以帶更多的東西回來。
40. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man?living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
40．宗教使人們相信在天上有一個我們看不見的人，他每時每刻都觀察著你所作的一切，而這個我們看不見的人有十件不希望我們做的事，如果你做了，他就會把你送到某個地方，哪里到處是炙人的火和煙，還有你要永遠忍受的痛苦和折磨，這些痛苦、烈焰和慘叫會持續(xù)到時間的盡頭。但是，他是愛你的，而且他需要錢。
41. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
41．你知道得克薩斯州的那些判決最大的影響是什么嗎？那里人更少了。
42. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
42. 這讓我想起了我三年級老師跟我說的話，她說：“你給我看一個熱帶水果，我就給你看一個危地馬拉口交者?！?nbsp;
43. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.
43. 我沒上過十歲的，我有一晚上用五乘以了二。.
44. What year did Jesus think it was?
44. 上帝啊，你以為這是個什么年代？
45. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
45. 我們不能把十戒貼在法院的真正原因是：你不能讓“不可偷竊”、“不可通奸”、“不可說謊”這樣的字眼出現(xiàn)在一個滿是律師、法官、政客的地方，這樣會創(chuàng)造不利的工作環(huán)境。
46. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
46．無神論就是不做預(yù)言的體制。
47. “No comment” is a comment.
47．“無可奉告”就是一條奉告。
48. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
48．如果一個人一直都面帶微笑，那他很可能是在推銷不能用的東西。
49. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
49．為什么我們說“美國夢”，你得先睡著才能相信。
史蒂夫.馬丁名言
50. Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!
50．伙計，你瞧法語，每樣?xùn)|西都有不同的詞表示。
51. There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
51．只有一件事能讓我離婚，那就是我和其他女人在一起的時候被妻子逮個正著。這是我不能忍受的。
52. Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.
52．主持奧斯卡頒獎禮就像和一個女人做愛，比爾.克里斯托不在的時候才能實現(xiàn)。
53. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
53．我相信，性是美好的、自然的、健康的，而且是錢能買來的。
54. You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies - all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.
54．你知道你的問題出在哪兒嗎？你看得電影不夠多，生活中的所有困惑都能在電影里找到答案。
55. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
55．醫(yī)生先是告訴我有一個好消息：有一種疾病將以我的名字命名。
56. Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?
最 As Harris K. Telemacher in “L.A. Story” (1991)
56．為什么我們總是意識不到愛情何時開始，卻總是知道何時結(jié)束？
最 就像《L.A 故事》中的哈里斯.K.特勒馬西（1991）
史蒂文.科比爾名言
57. “To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush?I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough?Somebody shoot me in the face.”
-Roasting Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ dinner
57．“和我的偶像喬治.布什共進晚餐嗎？我會感覺像是在做夢。有人會掐我，但是你知道嗎。這可不夠，我的夢可不容易醒，得有人在我頭上狠狠敲一下。”
58. On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.
58．在這個節(jié)目里你的聲音將被傳達，當(dāng)然了，是用我的聲音。
59. There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
59．在美國人們常說這樣一句話：“我們將一切交給上帝”，這正是上帝想要的：我們的錢。
60. Folks, the President needs a break. He’s like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don’t recharge his batteries, he can’t suck.
60．伙計們，我們的總統(tǒng)需要休息一下，就像百德公司的吸污天使牌無繩吸塵器，你不給他充電就沒法吸臟東西了。
61. I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
61．我對美女總是趨之若鶩。自然，看人就像看書，不能從封皮判斷好壞，可是誰會想跟書做愛。
62. Now, I don’t see color. People tell me I’m white and I believe them because police officers call me “sir”.
62．我眼睛分辨不出膚色。人們說我是白人，我信。因為警察尊稱我“先生”。
63. Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.
63．“亞洲”這個詞英語有四個字母，卻擁有三十億人。
64. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell.”
64．是同性戀本身沒什么錯，但我有很多朋友不太好過。
65. Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
65．上帝寬恕罪人，可不寬恕罪犯。
喬.斯圖亞特名言
66. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
66．我按照傳統(tǒng)過感恩節(jié)。我把我的鄰居都請到家里，我們大大美餐了一頓，然后我把他們都殺了，把他們的土地搶了過來。
67. Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
67．失眠是我最大的靈感來源。
68. We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem - it’s in North Korea.
68．犯罪證據(jù)，有的，非常確鑿，可能利用的大規(guī)模殺傷性武器，我們一直在尋找，以便用作侵略伊拉克的借口。不過，只有一個問題，它現(xiàn)在北朝鮮。
69. We declared war on terror-it’s not even a noun, so, good luck.
69．我們向恐怖主義宣戰(zhàn)——沒有說說而已，所以，我們還算走運。
70. Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.
Jon Stewart’s Stand-up performance at RIT, 2005
70．你知道我們在伊拉克的戰(zhàn)爭多奇怪荒誕嗎，從一開始我們就該知道的。我們進入伊拉克，德國卻不愿意一起。那可是德國，連這個戰(zhàn)爭巨人都不愿插手。
比爾.馬赫名言
71. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
71．過去算罪行的現(xiàn)在都成了疾病。
72. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
72．在我看來，開著飛機撞大樓，根源在他們的信仰。宗教就是神經(jīng)錯亂。
73. Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
73．對我來說，宗教就是一個介于人類和上帝之間的官僚載體，而且是我不需要的官僚載體。
74. They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week,
which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
74．現(xiàn)在人們提議要禁煙，一周內(nèi)可能被十個或十個以上人使用的地點都不能抽煙，我就在想，那是不是就是說麥當(dāng)娜在床上也不能抽煙了。
杰瑞.宋飛名言
75. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
75．男人對內(nèi)衣的要求和對女人的要求一樣，要一點支持，還有要一點自由。
76. Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.
76．狗才是這個星球的主人。你要是看見兩種生命形態(tài)，一個在大便，另一個在盛大便，你會以為哪個是主人。
77. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”
77．男性雜志很少給建議，因為男人不知道自己懂得不多，而女人知道，而且樂意去學(xué)。男人想的是：“我知道我在干什么，你只要給我看裸體就行了”。
78. Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”
78．為什么人們彼此送花？慶祝各種重要事件和節(jié)日就要謀殺活生生的生命嗎？為什么還針對植物？“親愛的，我們結(jié)婚吧，請接受這只死松鼠?！?nbsp;
拉里.戴維名言
79. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there’s your diamond in the rough.
79．任何人都可以因他滿頭的秀發(fā)而自信。但是自信的光頭，就像雜草堆里的鉆石。
80. If you tell the truth about how you’re feeling, it becomes funny.
80．如果你實在地說出你的感受，那就有意思了。
81. I’m surprized Hitler didn’t round up the toupee people.”
81．我挺奇怪為什么希特勒沒把流氓也圈到集中營去。
丹尼斯.米勒名言
82. A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
82. 最近一項關(guān)于警察的研究表明，如果你逃跑的話，被胖警察擊中的可能性比較大。
83. The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board.
83 普通美國人日程上的空檔比菜鳥在鏢靶上留下了洞還少。
84. “The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”
84. 唯一能讓法國卷入伊拉克的方法就是告訴他們，我們在伊拉克發(fā)現(xiàn)了法式頂級巧克力。
杰.列農(nóng)名言
85. Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
85．奇怪的是，為什么我們從來沒聽過像“通靈人士贏彩票大獎”這樣的新聞。
86. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
86. 最高法院決定華盛頓不能上演耶穌誕生劇，但并不是因為宗教原因。因為他們找不出三個智者和一個處女。
87. Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.
87. 美國現(xiàn)在體重超重的人要比體重正常的人要多。所以，體重超重的成了正常體重，也就是說，你新年許下的愿望已經(jīng)實現(xiàn)了。
88. The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
88.《新英格蘭醫(yī)學(xué)期刊》有文章稱九成的醫(yī)生認為有一成的醫(yī)生是笨蛋。
羅德尼.丁奇菲爾德名言
89. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
89. 我的父親隨身帶著一張孩子的照片，這個孩子是和他隨身帶的錢包一起到他手里的。
90. Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
90. 我小時候在脫口秀行業(yè)混的時候很窮，經(jīng)常跑到宴會去吃葡萄。
91. I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
91. 在我這個年齡，我想要兩個女孩。這樣我睡著的時候，她們也好有人說說話。
92. A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!
92. 一個女孩給我打電話說：“你過來吧，我家沒人?！庇谑俏胰チ?，她家的確一個人都沒有。
93. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
93. 如果你是雙性戀，周末出去約會的概率一下提高一倍。
沙拉.斯?fàn)柛ヂ?nbsp;
94. When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.
94. 如果上帝讓你得愛滋——是確實讓你得了愛滋——那就弄點檸檬水殺愛滋。
95. I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
95. 我曾被一個醫(yī)生強暴，你知道，這對一個猶太女孩來講是苦澀而甜蜜的。
克里斯.洛克名言
96. Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
96. 每個區(qū)都有兩個一樣的購物中心，一個是白人去的，另一個是白人以前去的。
97. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
97. 我住的地方治安極差，差到你還沒挨完第一個槍子，第二個槍子又來了。
98. If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.
98. 如果一個看起來十六歲的女的跟你說她二十歲，那她實際十二歲。如果是看起來二十六，跟你說也是二十六，那她可能已經(jīng)快四十了。
99. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?”
99. 你知道這個世界有多瘋狂嗎，最好的饒舌歌手是白人，最好的高爾夫選手是黑人，NBA身高最高的選手是中國人，瑞士人衛(wèi)冕美洲杯帆船賽事，法國指責(zé)美國自大，德國不參戰(zhàn)，美國最有權(quán)的三個人分別叫“布什”（譯者注：英文“雜草”的意思）、“迪克”（譯者注：美國俚語里“男性生殖器”的意思）、“科隆”（譯者注：“結(jié)腸”的意思），還用我就更多例子嗎？
100. “You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”
Chris Rock while hosting the Oscars
100.接下來的四位主持人保證讓你們挪不開視線，她們是薩爾曼．海耶克和佩尼洛普．克魯茲。
（克里斯．洛克在主持奧斯卡現(xiàn)場）
101. Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.
101.油價太貴了，因此我決定騎個墨西哥人上班。
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